Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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