he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
