I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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