Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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