It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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