Your mouth is God's brothel.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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