: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
