I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Mom said you looked used
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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