i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
