I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
