yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
