Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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