she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
