When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i dont even know how to be here
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
