but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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