Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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