i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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