the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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