every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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