We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
