I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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