im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
