Cold hands, warm shart.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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