Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
