GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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