There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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