so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize