I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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