Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
