I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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