i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
