so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Also, beer. Big fan.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
