I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
