Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
