Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize