Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
