I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
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So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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