the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
