The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
