So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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