he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
