We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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