every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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