If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
