i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
