I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
