I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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