Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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