HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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