Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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