I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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