yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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