my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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