My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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