You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
