Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
