Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
