we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
