Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
