sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
