He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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