Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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