Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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