Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
