I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
