nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's just like the Real World with babies
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
