Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
