6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
