seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
did i walk over a car last night?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
