I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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