I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
