My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I said "one day" and that day is not today
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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