The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I pour the whiskey from now on
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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