Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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