But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
