Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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