no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
