Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
