My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
