I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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