apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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