my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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