Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
