Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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