I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
