i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
