Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
